


Don't it Feel Good?

by obsessive-fics (xoPrincessKayxo)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (Including spoilers!), Angst with a Happy Ending, Complicated Relationships, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Steven Universe References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-21 22:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11953986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoPrincessKayxo/pseuds/obsessive-fics
Summary: “I mean, we’re just having fun right? It doesn’t have to be complicated,” Dan explains quickly.“Fun?”“Just fun, nothing else.”“... Okay. But if either of us wants to stop, for any reason, then that’s it,” Phil says, finally.Or, the FWB fic with none of the smut, all of the angst, and a ridiculously happy ending





	Don't it Feel Good?

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is, my first full length fic! I worked really hard on it, and am so excited to finally be able to share it with the world. Thank you to @yourfriendlyblogstalker on tumblr for being an awesome beta and thank you to everyone for reading- Enjoy!  
> (Title from Walking on Sunshine)

It starts with a bottle of tequila, because of course it does. They're sitting on the couch getting drunk like bored uni students and laughing at YouTube videos that won't be as funny in the morning.

Dan's brain feels fuzzy in the way that means he'll definitely be hungover in the morning, but right now it's the best feeling ever. He feels light, airy, like everything is right with the world. He wonders how Phil is feeling.

"Phil?" He calls, turning to his best friend.

"Yeah?"

"How do you feel right now?" he asks curiously.

"Good,” Phil answers with a lazy smile.

"Good."

Dan kind of really wants to kiss him. He used to be able to do that whenever he wanted. He can’t now though. Why is that? He tries to remember what’s preventing him from doing the one thing he wants to do most right now, but nothing comes to mind. Whatever the reason can’t be that important, Dan decides. Phil is sitting next to him, gorgeous as ever, even with the harsh light of the tv illuminating him in flashes, and Dan wants to kiss him.

So he does. It's quick, just a peck, and he barely has time to panic about it before Phil is kissing him back. They fall back on the couch, and Dan feels like they should probably talk about this and what exactly it means, but Phil is doing things with his mouth that's making it really hard to think, let alone talk.

"What do you want?" Phil asks, with an intensity Dan has never heard from him.

What does he want? He's still in shock that he's here, with Phil's gorgeous blue eyes boring into him in a way he's already growing addicted to.

"You," he breathes before his brain can catch up with his mouth.

"Okay." Phil takes a moment to smile at him softly and then they're kissing again.

“My room or yours?” Phil asks, pulling away a few minutes later when it’s clear they absolutely cannot continue this here.  

“Um… Yours,” Dan decides, and then they’re hurrying to the room, drunk and uncoordinated, giggling and tripping over each other.

* * *

 

The next morning, Dan wakes up with a splitting headache. Unpleasant, but expected. He sighs and goes to roll over to check his phone, only to realize he can’t. Phil is sprawled out on top of him, fast asleep. He looks at peace in a way that fills Dan with a rush of affection he hasn't felt since the days he used to stay up late watching his videos.

"I can feel you staring at me, you know," Phil says, eyes still closed.

"Oh! Sorry, didn't realize you were awake. I guess it's creepy either way though, isn't it?" Dan asks, but Phil just laughs and shakes his head.

"I'm gonna go shower, you coming?" He asks, climbing out of bed. Dan is up before he can even give it a second thought.

They're standing in the shower when Dan finally works up the nerve to ask exactly what's happening between them right now.

"I feel like we should talk about last night. Because as um... fun as that was, I don't know where we go from here," he explains, hoping that having a conversation about this whole thing will make it all make sense.

"Just don't think about it," Phil says, and then drops to his knees, effectively ending any and all conversation.

Eventually, Dan can’t take it anymore. They’re eating breakfast after a very long shower when he pauses the show they’re watching and steels himself for an extremely awkward conversation.

“I can’t just ‘not think about’ this. I know I technically started it, but… I need to know where your head is, before we do something we regret,” he says, carefully.

“It’s just… you’re my best friend, and I don’t want to ruin that…” Phil replies, trailing off and looking down.

“You’re my best friend too,” Dan reassures him immediately, because no matter how long it’s been, sometimes it just needs to be said. “This doesn’t ruin that at all.”

“It doesn’t?” Phil asks, sounding skeptical.

“Of course not. It’s not like we’ve never done this before,” Dan reminds him. They don’t talk about that time, when they first met and couldn’t keep their hands off each other, pretty much ever, but if ever there was a time to bring it up, it would be now.

“I know, but that was different.”

“How?”

“Nevermind. I liked my original idea of _not_ thinking about this,” Phil says, shaking his head.

“Okay, okay. That doesn’t mean we have to stop though, does it?” Dan asks, an idea already forming in his head. An idea he might grow to regret later, but right now he can’t get the previous night out of his mind, and he’d kind of like to repeat it. Several times. In every room.

“What?” Phil asks, shocked.

“I mean, we’re just having fun right? It doesn’t have to be complicated,” Dan explains quickly, snapping out of his day dream.

“Fun?”

“Just fun, nothing else.”

“... Okay. But if either of us wants to stop, for any reason, then that’s it,” Phil says, finally.

“That’s it,” Dan agrees, pressing play on the TV. And if he scoots a little closer first, it’s just because the heating isn’t working too well that day, that’s all.

* * *

 

Something shifts between them after that. They’ve always been abnormally close, but it’s different now. Their viewers notice it too, the way they drift closer together in videos and tease each other with a fondness that wasn't quite there before. Dan feels like this should worry him more than it does.

As far as the sex goes, it's frequent, and amazing. They've defiled several rooms in the house. Still though, Dan can't help but feel like something is missing. Every time Phil leaves him alone afterwards, it makes him feel empty, and he can't quite figure out why.

He's in the kitchen trying to sort out his feelings and wondering if they should reinstate ground rules for filming when he feels arms wrap around him from behind.

“Good morning.”

“I think you might be getting addicted to this. You should get that checked out,” Dan teases, turning around.

“Really?” Phil answers with a smirk before kissing him.

“Mmhm.”

“And what does that make you?”

“A huge enabler,” Dan replies, returning his smirk and pulling him closer.

Dan’s on the counter, one hand in Phil’s hair, the other in his back pocket when his phone rings.

“Ignore it,” he says immediately leaning back in, but whoever’s calling clearly doesn't want to be ignored. As soon as the ringing stops, it starts again.

“You should probably get that.”

Dan inwardly curses every god he can think of and answers the phone.

“Finally! For someone who claims to never put their phone down, you’re pretty hard to reach,” Louise says in lieu of greeting.

“Hi Louise. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“I’m having a party Friday night and I know you’re gonna try and get out of it, but this is a big night for me. I want you there, both of you,” Louise tells him, leaving no room for argument.

“Sure! Of-of course we will,” Dan manages to answer, which is an impressive feat, considering what Phil’s hands are doing right now.

“Good. Hey, are you okay? You sound a little strained.” Louise wonders, sounding concerned.

“I’m fine. I just… bumped into something. See you Friday, then?” Dan replies, and then hangs up as soon as possible.

“How is Louise?” Phil asks, smiling up at him innocently, and _oh_ is Dan going to get him for this. Eventually. Right now, there are much, much more pressing matters to attend to.

“Fine,” is all he says before crashing their lips together desperately.

* * *

 

The party is in full swing when they arrive, guests milling about and making small talk. Louise greets them at the door, ever the perfect hostess.

“So glad you could make it! Thank you for coming,” she says, leading them to the coat closet.  

“Wouldn't miss it,” they assure her, going to hang their coats up.

“You guys are about three seconds from literally becoming one person,” Louise says, looking between the two of them.

“I think we’d make a pretty good fusion,” Phil jokes good naturedly, an automatic response to anyone commenting on their perceived closeness.

“Sure. Well, make yourselves at home. There’s no one in the kitchen and there’s lots of food,” she says, knowingly, disappearing further into the house to resume her role as hostess. They drift towards the kitchen immediately; there will be  plenty of time to socialize later, once they’ve filled up on free food and cheap champagne.

They’re leaning against the counter, staring at their phones and sharing a giant bowl of popcorn when Christa walks in. She’s a friend of Louise that Dan may or may not have made out with at a party he’d been dragged to while Phil was away visiting his family. He also may have had entirely too much to drink and stopped everything to tell her how empty the house feels when Phil isn’t home. The details are more than a little fuzzy, but judging by the way Christa is smirking at him she remembers a lot more of it than he does.

“Thought I’d find you in here,” she says, brightly, opening the fridge and pulling out a six pack of smirnoff ice.

“Um, hi,” Dan squeaks out, before realizing he still has a mouthful of popcorn, but Christa has stopped paying attention to him completely. He watches helplessly as she introduces herself to his best friend, standing _too close_ and laughing _too loud_ until he physically cannot stand it any longer.

“I’m gonna go…” he trails off, and once he realizes no one is listening to him, sulks off. He’s stopped by several friends on his way to find a quiet corner to mope in, all wanting to know how he’s been and what he’s been up to. He tries to be amicable, to answer the correct way, but he’s never been good at hiding when he’s in a bad mood, and there’s only so many times he can watch people try to mask the surprise when they see him by himself. Eventually everyone stops trying and he’s able to find the perfect spot leaning against the wall by the door. He has twitter open and ready, trying to decide the perfect way to complain about this situation without being obvious, when Phil finds him.

“Where’s Christa?” he bites without looking up.

“Are you gonna tell me what you’re sulking about or do you want to just go home?” Phil asks, ignoring the question completely. Dan finds himself temporarily at a loss for words. He can be a little short when he’s socially exhausted and he knows for a fact Phil doesn’t like doing the heavy lifting it takes to get them out of a conversation. He’d kind of been expecting a fight.

“Aren’t you mad? I just left you alone with her,” he asks, confused.

“I mean, no? It was super awkward and she kept touching my arm, which was weird, and then when I said I was going to go check on you she looked kind of sad about it? Which also doesn’t make any sense, but it was fine,” Phil explains with a shrug. He’s so oblivious that Dan finds himself torn between wanting to laugh or kiss him before realizing that he absolutely cannot do either of those things here. He risks a quick glance into the house to make sure he won’t be overheard. Then,

“Coat closet. Now.”

The door has barely closed behind them before Dan is pushing Phil against the wall, kissing him harshly.

“Dan?” Phil asks, pulling away slightly.

“Mine,” is all the explanation he offers, before moving his attention to his neck, trying his best to ignore the instinct to mark him up completely. 

“Yours,” Phil agrees, breathlessly, and Dan feels like he’s going to fall apart right then and there. Instead, he just fists his hand in his hair and pulls him closer.

It’s frantic and sloppy, and they keep having to bite each other’s shoulders to keep quiet, but something about it is perfect. Every utterance of “mine” is met with an immediate “yours” and Dan kind of wants time to stop, for this moment, just the two of them, to be all that exists. Unfortunately, that’s not even slightly possible.

“We should get back,” Phil whispers, but neither of them make any attempt to move.

“I know. Don’t want to, though.”

Phil looks at him the way he always does when he wants to say something, but seems to change his mind at the last minute.

“Me neither,” he says instead, and steps away. Dan sighs, and checks to make sure everything is in place in the coat closet, then cracks the door open to make sure no one can see them. Part of him wants to take Phil’s hand, to make it known to everyone here that this is _his person_ , except he’s not, not really, and Dan can’t figure out why that makes his chest feel tight. He shakes the thought out of his head, best not to dwell on it now, and steps out of the closet.

Louise eyes them curiously when they rejoin the party, but mercifully decides not to comment. They make the rounds the way they usually do, catching up with everyone they haven’t seen, and once the amount of people dies down a little bit they join in a round of Cards Against Humanity. It’s nice actually, reconnecting with everyone, and by the time they leave they’re pleasantly buzzed and Dan is in a much better mood than when they arrived. It would’ve been a really great night if Dan didn’t have such a talent for self sabotage.

“You really didn’t realize Christa was flirting with you?” he asks. They’re in the kitchen looking for a quick snack before bed, and he can’t get the question out of his mind.

“She was?”

“Well, yeah. She seemed really into you,” Dan says, trying to keep his tone neutral. He’s not sure why he cares so much, needs to be reassured that this person he has absolutely no claim over actively chose hooking up with him in a closet and didn’t just not realize there was an alternative.

“That’s nice. Marshmallows?” Phil suggests holding up the bag.

“Sure. Did you like her?” Dan presses, taking the knife to cut the bag open.

“She was nice,” Phil replies, noncommittally, taking a handful of marshmallows.

“It’s okay if you did, you know. If you wanted to like… date,” Dan says. Lies, really. Just the thought of that makes him nauseous. Phil just stares at him, incredulous.

“I’m just saying. I know we’re doing this, um… thing now. But if you wanted to find someone, we could stop,” Dan suggests, avoiding eye contact. What he’s saying makes sense, he knows it does, but it literally pains him to say it.

“I don’t want to ‘find someone.’ God, Dan- you know, for someone so smart, you can be such an idiot sometimes,” Phil snaps, sounding exhausted.

“... What?”

“No. I’m not talking about this right now. Good night,” Phil calls over his shoulder, already on the way to his room. Dan watches him go, feeling more confused than ever.

* * *

 

“I'm going away for a few days,” Phil announces the next morning. He's staring intently into his second cup of coffee, a clear sign he's more stressed than usual. Dan goes through all the things they need to do in the next few days; their lease is almost up, so there's that to worry about, there are a couple of gaming videos that need to be edited, but that isn’t out of the ordinary for them.

“Is this about last night?” Dan asks, hesitantly.

“No. Yes. Kind of. I’m just… I’m gonna go see my family. Will you be okay here by yourself?”

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Okay. Okay, I’m gonna go pack.”

“Wait!”

“Yeah?”

“Come have breakfast and play something with me before you leave?”

“Sure, Dan.”

* * *

 

Dan feels Phil’s absence the minute he leaves. He tries a few video games, but they aren’t quite as fun without all the sabotage and controller biting. Every time he sees something funny on Tumblr he starts to hold out his phone before realizing there’s no one there to laugh with him. He’s never considered himself a codependent person, time alone usually feels like a weight being lifted off his shoulders.

Now it feels empty, like he’s missing a part of himself. He even finds himself watching their old videos, equal parts fond and horrified of the people they used to be. They were so young then, so unsure of what the future would hold, if it was a mistake to be putting all of their eggs in one basket when no one really understood what being a YouTuber was yet. Dan had been so adamant about forging a path for himself, being sure that he had a career on his own first, just in case. That was why nothing could happen between them despite… despite everything that already had.

He wonders when everything got so complicated, and why their solution had been to just _not_ talk about it until it stopped being complicated. He watches their last ‘Phil is Not on fire’ video, watches the way they make each other laugh, how at ease he is, how they both are, and then nearly drops his laptop when he realizes it. He’s in love with Phil. He probably always has been. And he spent the previous night trying to convince him that he should go find someone else. _Shit._

Dan unlocks and locks his phone about twelve times, trying to decide who the best person to call about something like this is. Eventually he gives in and calls Tyler. He needs someone with a little bit of distance from the situation.

“Not that I’m not happy to hear from you, but um, why are you calling me?” Tyler asks sounding confused. They’re friends, but they’re not exactly fight time difference to have long and meaningful conversations close. First time for everything.

“I need your advice about something,” Dan says, slowly.

“This should be good, so what’s up? Boys? Girls? Friend drama? Family drama?” Tyler asks, sounding way too amused about this.

“It’s… well…”

“Oh my God, wait, have you been reading fanfiction about yourself again? I told you, that is a rabbit hole you never come out of.”

“No, no, it’s not that. It’s serious. Possibly life changing,” Dan tries to explain, but he’s not sure he can say the words out loud yet.

“Did you and Phil drunkenly get married at a Casino? Does that happen over there?”

“What? No, it’s just that… I might be kind of in love with him,” he admits. Finally.

“I know you’re having a crisis, so I’m not going to say any of the things I’m thinking right now,” is the first thing Tyler says, after what sounds like a suspiciously sarcastic gasp.

“I don’t know what to do here. Everything’s so good between us right now, or at least it was until last night-” Dan starts to say, but is immediately cut off.

“Last night? What happened last night?” Tyler asks, urgently.

“I’m glad someone’s enjoying this.”

“Hey, you wanted advice, I need details. Go on, spill.”

Dan sighs and explains everything that happened; the arrangement, Christa, the coat closet, their sort of fight. He has to pause several times while Tyler squeals or prods for more detail, but eventually he gets it all out.

“You should tell him how you feel,” Tyler says, far too excitedly.

“I can’t do that!” Dan protests, immediately, because that would be a complete disaster.

“Why not?” Tyler challenges.

“Because I’ve had the chance to. Several times. And every time I completely freeze up, and then we pretend nothing happened,” Dan explains, wearily.

Tyler is silent for a moment. Then, “How long, exactly, have you two been playing this game?”

“... A few years, now.”

“And have either of you been with anyone else this whole time?”

“Not seriously, no.”

“Then I don’t see what the problem is. You’re in love, both of you. One of you just has to stop waiting for the other person to admit it,” Tyler points out, he sounds so sure of it.

Dan wants so desperately to believe him, that his feelings are mutual and Phil hasn’t grown tired of waiting for him all this time. And even if they are on the same page emotionally, will that be enough? What if he’s completely pushed Phil away this time and he’s decided they’re better off apart anyway? He just… He can’t risk it. Not right now. Not when everything has been so perfect. They’re good the way they are, there’s no need to change anything. Phil will come back from his parent’s house, he’ll apologize for last night, and then they can go back to normal. He realizes halfway through this plan that he’s still on the phone.

“You know what? I think I know what I’m gonna do. Thanks Tyler,” he says brightly.

“Um… Sure, I guess. Whatever happens, you’re always gonna be best friends, remember that,” Tyler replies, and somehow that’s exactly what Dan needs to hear right now. Feelings or not, he’s never going to lose Phil. He thanks Tyler again, before hanging up and going to find something to keep him distracted until he can put his plan into action.

* * *

 

Three days later, Dan’s on the couch watching a movie he’s seen a billion times when he hears the door open. He’s torn between throwing himself at Phil the minute he sees him and staying glued to this spot, pretending he didn’t miss him at all. They’ve called and skyped and texted almost constantly, neither of them being able to hold up the pretense that they can go more than one day without talking to the other. Still, as nostalgic and wonderful as skyping for hours is, it pales in comparison to actually being able to occupy the same space.

“Dan?”

“In here!”

For some reason Dan thought Phil would look different now that he’s realized he's in love with him, but he looks exactly the same. His glasses are crooked and his hair is sticking up from sleeping on the train. There is absolutely nothing new there. It’s perfect.

“How was home?” Dan asks, once he realizes he’s just been sitting and staring this entire time.

“Good. Everyone says hi,” Phil says, just like he says every time he returns from visiting his family alone. Which has become increasingly more rare, and that fills Dan with a warmth he definitely doesn’t want to think too hard about right now.

“You wanna watch the last ten minutes of this movie before you unpack?” he offers instead.

“You read my mind,” Phil says, throwing himself down on the couch. Neither of them bring up the sort of argument that lead to Phil going away in the first place. They just watch the movie, the same as they always do, and everything seems to fall back into place after that.

“We’re okay, right?” Dan finally asks later that night while they’re cleaning up the pizza they ordered.

“Yeah, of course we are. Why?”

“Just making sure.”

“Okay. Do you want to watch the new Steven Universe special?”

An hour later, they’re staring at the tv in shock. They’re definitely both crying a little bit, a mixture of heartbreak, relief, and just pure surprise.

“... Lars just fucking _died_ ,” Dan whispers, finally.

“Definitely didn’t expect that to get so dark,” Phil agrees.

“One minute he’s baking and everything is great and the next he’s dead and stranded on a foreign planet away from all his friends and family,” Dan says, still completely in shock.

“The off colored gems will take care of him.”

“Not gonna stop until I see the bright side of this, are you?” Dan teases.

“Nope,” Phil agrees, grinning at him, and Dan doesn’t think he’s ever felt more in love than he does at this moment. He can’t say that though, so he just kisses him instead.

“What was that for?”

“Missed you,” is all Dan offers before leaning back in.

“I missed you, too,” Phil replies, and pulls back slightly. Dan can tell there’s more to that statement, the beginning of a conversation he does not want to have right now. Or possibly ever.

“Glad we sorted that out. Now can we please stop talking?”

* * *

 

They’re in Phil’s room, sleepy and sated, and Dan has never wanted to get out of bed less in his entire life. He wants to stay here, wants to pretend for a moment that he followed Tyler’s advice, and that this is their normal now. He  briefly considers it, thinks _I’m so fucking in love with you you have no idea_ as loudly as he can and imagines Phil can read his mind.

“You okay?” Phil asks, because he may not be able to hear his thoughts, but he can always tell when they’re loud. Dan ponders the question probably for longer than he should. This whole arrangement was his idea, a result of drunk him realizing things he’d never allow himself to think about sober. He doesn’t particularly want to stop this either, it’s just… gonna be harder to hide his feelings than he thought. Still, maybe he can have tonight.

“Can I stay here tonight?” he asks, instead, choosing to ignore the question completely.

“Yeah,” Phil answers after a minute. Then, “You have to get up to turn off the light though.”

“You should turn out the light, it’s your room,” Dan says, but he’s already climbing out of bed.

“Nooo, it’s too late I’m already comfortable,” Phil whines dramatically, sprawling himself across the bed. Dan just laughs and turns off the light before throwing himself down on top of him.

“Oh my God, you weigh like a trillion kilos, get off,” Phil protests almost immediately, but the smile in his voice gives him away.

“Do not,” Dan argues, but he moves, anyway, so he’s only partially on top of him. This is nice. Really nice. Yeah, he can have tonight.  

* * *

 

Dan wakes up alone. _It’s okay,_ he tries to tell himself. _It’s for the best_. Sleeping in the same bed after blurs lines that have been drawn for a reason. That doesn’t stop him from reaching out and pulling Phil’s pillow close though. He stays like that for a minute, memorizing every detail of this moment, before deciding he should probably get up and face reality.

Phil is in the kitchen, fully dressed, and making pancakes. He’s humming quietly to himself, and Dan almost doesn’t want to shatter the moment. Except that he’s starving and the food smells amazing.

“Good morning. Any of that ready to eat yet?” he asks, leaning against the counter.

“Almost. Grab me a plate?” Phil requests, without looking up, and they settle into the familiar routine of preparing a meal together. When they’re done, Dan grabs up a plate for each of them, fully ready to start an anime and leave the mess in the kitchen for later, but Phil stops him.

“Wait- I think- I… I have to talk to you,” he says, staring determinedly at their pancakes.

“Can we at least sit down first?”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Dining table?” Phil suggests, taking his plate out of Dan’s hands.

“Okay…”

They sit at the dining room table in silence. Dan watches Phil, tries to figure out what was so important they had to talk about it immediately, but his face is giving absolutely nothing away. He’s really good at that when he wants to be.

“Phil?” Dan says, finally, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

“I have a question for you, and I don’t want you to get mad, okay?”

“Nothing you say could make me mad,” Dan says, automatically, and then, in an attempt to lighten that statement, adds, “Unless you somehow tripped and disconnected all of our wifi.”

“Okay, well, you know how our lease is up soon?” Phil starts, and Dan feels like he’s been doused with cold water.

“You’re not going to move out, are you?”

“No! Maybe… I just- we’ve outgrown this place. And I’d _like_ to grow into a new place, with you. But I worry you don’t want that,” Phil explains, looking over at him hesitantly.

“Why wouldn’t I want that?”

“Because! You were the one pushing me to go ‘find someone.’ And sometimes I think you’re just here because it’s easy, you know? We’re already closer than most people, and now we’re fucking- _again._ And I just can’t take another round of you getting bored of me. So if this is just all for your convenience, I think we should talk about moving.” Phil shrugs afterwards, tries to pretend that it wasn’t hard for him to say all of that, but that’s an action Dan can see through immediately. He’s been thinking about this for awhile, or at least since the day he went away.

“I don’t… I don’t get bored of you,” is all Dan can think of to say, because he feels like there’s something else, an implication, but he can’t tell if it’s really there or just wishful thinking on his part.

“Don’t, okay? You know what I mean,” Phil is shrinking away before Dan can even think of reaching out for him.

“Things are good right now, aren’t they? Do you really want to change that?”

“Your definition of good and mine are apparently two different things. We’ll talk about this later,” Phil decides, standing up and taking his breakfast with him.

Dan stares after him, dumbstruck. He wants to follow him, to beg him not to leave, to tell him he’d do anything to get him to stay here… Except he knows he’s right. They outgrew this place awhile ago. There’s really nothing keeping them here except the attachment their viewers have to seeing familiar backgrounds, recognizing shared possessions stuffed in every shelf. This place has been home for so long, but Dan knows it’ll stop feeling like home immediately if Phil leaves.  

“Phil? I brought cereal,” Dan calls, knocking on the door gently. He doesn’t really have a plan here, all he knows is that he has to fix this, somehow.

“... Come in,” Phil answers, after a minute. He’s on his laptop, an episode of _Buffy_ paused on the tv. If Dan didn’t know any better, it would seem like any other day. But he does know better though, or at least he thought he did. Their conversation earlier has been replaying in his head all day, and he’s still not sure what he’s supposed to say here.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Dan says, hovering in the doorway with a box of cereal held out in front of him like a white flag.

“Is that all?” Phil asks, without looking up from his laptop.

“No. I don’t want you to leave… without me,” he finishes, resolutely.

“Go on,” Phil replies, holding a hand out. Dan hands him the box of cereal and sits down at the edge of the bed.

“You were right earlier, we have outgrown this place. And I’d like nothing more than to grow into a new place with you. We can get a real estate agent and everything,” Dan offers, fidgeting with a loose shred in the comforter.

“Why?” Phil asks after a moment, and Dan can’t help but think this is an conversation is entirely too intense to be having with someone eating cereal out of the box.

“What do you mean ‘why?’ Because it’s what we want, isn’t it?” he wonders, looking up for the first time since he sat down.

“I think… I think you know exactly what I want, and even after all this time, you’re still too scared to admit that you want it too,” Phil tells him, fixing him with an intense look. There are a million things Dan wants to say, questions he wants to ask, but he has no idea where to start. It’s not like Phil to talk in circles around something, but here they are. His statement is loaded, a puzzle he’s handed Dan to solve, but all Dan can bring himself to do is sit and stare.

“Just… just _go_ , Dan,” Phil sighs, after what feels like an eternity of silence.

“No, I can’t.” He’s not sure why, but leaving this room now feels like the absolute worst thing he could do.

“I don’t want to see you right now,” Phil replies, evenly.

“Okay, fine. Tell me what’s really on your mind, and I’ll leave,” Dan decides, before crossing his arms stubbornly.

“Forget it. Please, just go,” Phil asks again, but Dan has made up his mind about this. He’s not leaving this room until he knows exactly what’s going on with them. How they went from being happy together (well, not _together)_ to sitting here, at a standstill.

“I’m not going anywhere, not until you-” Phil cuts him off, tackling him into the mattress. Dan wants to protest, to point out that they were in the middle of what felt like a pretty important conversation. But they’re kissing now, open mouthed and rough, and the feeling is so new, he almost forgets they were talking at all. His hands are pinned up above him, and his brain has gone foggy with want.

“What was that?” he asks, breathless, after Phil pulls away.

“I want you. Now.” Is the only explanation offered. Dan kind of  feels like he’s just trying to delay the conversation, but Phil is straddling him, staring down with a look he’s never seen before, and he decides talking can wait.

“Okay,” Dan says, moving to sit up to pull Phil to him, but he shakes his head, pinning Dan to the mattress again.

“We’re doing this my way,” Phil says, and there’s absolutely no way Dan is going to argue with that.

“Yes,” he says, nodding feverently, and by the end of the night he’s pretty sure he’s said that word enough for it to lose all meaning.

* * *

 

Dan wakes up the next morning sore and disoriented. He’s not in his room. He sits up and looks around, the previous night coming back to him in vivid flashbacks. _Wow,_ he thinks, tracing the marks on his chest and wrists absently. It takes him about another minute to realize Phil is not there, and he shoots out of bed as fast as he can, hoping he’s still home.

Phil, thankfully, is home, and Dan finds him sat fully dressed watching tv.

“I want to talk. And I mean really talk, not argue and then have really hot, angry sex,” Dan declares in a rush before he can lose his nerve.

“I know,” Phil answers, sounding resigned, “Do you want to shower and eat breakfast first though?”

“... Yes, actually. Be right back.”

Thirty minutes later, they’re sitting next to each other, looking down into empty bowls.

“So, are you ever going to tell me what was going on with you last night? Not that I’m complaining, but I know something’s bothering you,” Dan says, finally, realizing if he doesn’t start this conversation it might not happen at all.

“I was frustrated, I guess,” Phil starts, putting his bowl down on the coffee table.

“No kidding,” Dan interjects with a smirk.

“Not like that! You just kept saying things you thought I wanted to hear, and I couldn’t take it anymore,” Phil explains, suddenly very focused on the floor.

“So your solution was to jump me?” Dan wonders, confused.

“I thought it might be the last time I’d be able to,” Phil tells him with a shrug, but his explanation is only serving to make Dan more confused.

“What gave you that idea? I’d let you do that every day if you wanted,” he half jokes in an attempt to dissipate some of the tension in the room. It doesn’t work.

“I can’t do this anymore, Dan. It hurts too much,” Phil admits, sounding broken.

“If you wanted to stop, we could have,” Dan reminds him. This conversation is veering into terrain he’s not even remotely equipped for.

“That’s the thing, though. I don’t _want_ to stop. I want to wake up next to you in the morning, and I want to hold you while you sleep, and I want to kiss you just to kiss you. And it was easier to pretend to not want those things before we let everything get all blurry again,” Phil tells him, dejectedly, and suddenly everything makes sense, all the fighting, the talking in circles, it’s all lead them here, to this moment. Dan hopes he’s reading this correctly and takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry.” Phil looks at him quizzically, but he keeps going, he has to keep going before he loses his nerve. “I’m sorry it took me this long to realize how in love with you I am. I’m sorry I kept fighting it, and made you think that I don’t want those things, because I do. I really do.”

“Can you… Can you say that again?” Phil asks, looking shell shocked.

“I am completely, without a doubt, one hundred percent in love with you,” Dan says, proudly. It feels like a weight being lifted off his shoulders, the ability to finally admit that, and the way Phil’s face lights up when he says it makes the whole thing completely worth it.

“I love you too, you idiot,” Phil replies, shoving him.

“Ow! What was that for?” Dan asks, rubbing his arm.

“For jerking me around all these years!” Phil exclaims, and then, realizing he can now, pulls Dan’s arm around him and curls into his side.

“I’m sorry,” Dan says again, because every attempt to protect himself only hurt Phil more and that was the last thing he ever wanted to do to his best friend.

“No more apologizing. We’re gonna have to talk about labels and who to tell and all that serious stuff, but right now, I want to cuddle and watch an anime,” Phil replies, waving him off.

“Okay. Okay, we can definitely do that,” Dan agrees. He plants a soft kiss on Phil’s forehead for good measure, and the answering smile he gets is one he’s definitely going to try to make appear every single day.

* * *

 

**-Three Months Later-**

“We did it,” Phil announces, happily, looking around. All of their stuff is packed up and ready to go the moment the moving guys arrive.

“This is so weird. I barely recognize this place anymore,” Dan muses, looking at the now bare walls. They’d spent years turning this into a home and now they’re going to start again from scratch. The idea both terrifies and excites him.

“I think it’s the perfect time for a change. Besides, I know how excited you are to start interior designing,” Phil teases, nudging him.

“That’s true. Think we have time for a Starbucks run before everyone gets here?”

“As long as we don’t forget we have stuff to do and stay there for three hours again.”

“I think we can manage.”

Two and a half hours later, they’re sprinting to get home before the movers get there. Dan doesn't know how it happens, how they never run out of things to talk or laugh about, how the whole world disappears whenever they’re together. It’s the one thing that’s stayed constant all the years they’ve known each other and it makes Dan feel at ease in the best way. 

“We made it. We have about ten minutes to catch our breath,” Phil says, looking down at the clock on his phone.

“Perfect,” Dan sighs, flopping down on the couch.

Twenty minutes later, the movers are standing around in the kitchen, drinking out of brightly colored mugs and showing Phil pictures of their children. He’d insisted they have something to drink before they got started, and Dan should be annoyed because now they’re going to have to wash and pack all of those mugs a second time. But as it is, all he feels is enamoured.

A bright, warm affection he’s been suppressing for years washes over him, and it feels so much better to bask in it, to see Phil blush and look away when he catches him staring. He’d be perfectly content to just sit back and admire Phil’s ability to make anyone feel at home, dividing his attention between each person perfectly, but it’s getting late, and the movers have families to get to. They thank them for being so hospitable, and get straight to work.

* * *

 

“God, I hate moving.” Dan announces that night after they’ve finally made the bed and can lay down for the first time all day.

“I know, me too. But it’s over, we did it,” Phil reminds him, wasting no time crawling into bed.

“But there are so many boxes,” Dan points out, gesturing to the boxes currently filling up every empty space in their new bedroom.

“We’ll unpack them a little at a time. Can you stop worrying and  come lay down now?”

Dan nods, putting the stress of the day behind him, and crawls into bed and into Phil’s open arms. It’s a while before either of them speak. Partly because moving is exhausting and stressful, and they’re just grateful to finally have the time to lay, wrapped up in each other, without one of them jumping out of bed, remembering something they forgot to do. And partly because they need time to let it sink in, that they’ve actually done it, they’ve actually moved house. It feels half like a beginning, and half like an interlude before they take the next step.

“Should we get that dog now?” Dan asks, only half-joking. They could, technically. But they’ve talked about it at length. Not yet.

“Yes. I think the neighbor downstairs has two, we should just take one off their hands right now,” Phil replies, probably way too quickly, and they both dissolve into laughter.

Once they’ve calmed down a little bit, and returned to just enjoying each other’s presence, Dan allows himself to bask in the happiness and contentment he’s been feeling every day since they admitted their feelings for each other. It’s an addicting feeling, one he’s not planning on letting go of anytime soon. He can’t believe it took him this long to arrive at this point.

“Hey, Phil?” he asks, looking up at the ceiling. He doesn’t know if he can ask this question face to face.

“Yeah?”

“How… How did you… why did you…” Dan trails off, searching for the best way to word what he knows is a fairly loaded question. After a while he gives up and just blurts out, “What if I’d never gotten the hint?”

“What hint?” Phil asks with a yawn. It’s late, and sleep is probably the best idea right now, but Dan has to ask this or else he’s gonna be up all night thinking about it.

“I just mean, it took me so ridiculously long to figure out how I felt about you, how did you know I would get there?” Dan asks, hoping he’s explained that well enough. He hasn’t, but Phil knows what he means anyway.

“You’re my person. I’ve known that for a while now. You’re it for me,” he tells him with a shrug.

“I think… I think you’re my person too.” Dan wants to apologize again, to make up for all the time they spent in limbo, being together without ever really being _together,_ but he knows if he says sorry one more time, he’ll probably get kicked out, and he’s pretty comfortable right now.  

“Good. Now stop thinking so loud, I wanna take a nap,” Phil says with a yawn.

“Wow, you really are getting old,” Dan teases, even though he knows he’s going to give in. They’ve had a long day, and napping together is around number four on his list of favorite things to do with Phil.

“Shut up,” Phil laughs, and Dan takes note of the way his chest feels, rising and falling beneath him.

“You do realize though that if we nap this late, we’re gonna be up all night?” Dan points out, breaking the comfortable silence they’ve fallen into.

“I’m sure we’ll think of something to do,” Phil replies, and for a second Dan considers taking that comment somewhere, but it’s been a long day, and he doesn’t think either of them have the energy for that.

“Set up the gaming room?” he suggests instead.

“Sure. We can play Mario Kart until we’re tired.”

“God, I love you,” Dan sighs, happily.

“I know,” Phil answers, and he can hear the smile in his voice.

They fall asleep shortly after that, equal parts content and exhausted.

Two hours later, they’re sitting on the floor, screaming and playing Mario Kart. And as grateful as Dan is for all the things that have changed between them, he’s even more grateful for the things that haven’t, especially on nights like this. And when Phil kisses him after a particularly impressive victory, he can’t help but feel like this is a beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you again for reading! Let me know what you think, good or bad  
> Read/ reblog on tumblr @obsessive-fics


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